I hate waiting. I feel there’s a New York side to me that constantly feels like I need to be doing something; that way I feel good. I’m out hustling in the baking world trying to get my name out there for people to press pay instead of add to cart and then leave. I lack in patience, but work hard every day to practice it which is extremely hard. Nobody tells you that when you dream big dreams and put the work in sometimes you actually have to…wait (gasp for dramatic effect)! My ultimate goal is not lost on my customers, the Today’s show. I’m not sure where the dream came from, but there’s something about standing in that studio that feels like I did something right: like this dream wasn’t made up. It’s taken me a long time to believe in myself and that my product is good; self-doubt can really eat you alive. Maybe I am in a space where I feel defeated, but I won’t give up. This blog is my diary and today has been a day where I don’t want to wait: I want to hop on the express train to success and never get off. Realistically, I know I can’t live in self- doubt and fear-based thoughts. I will keep plugging along because I have learned when you truly wait and let go of plans you made, some pretty incredible things start to happen. “Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one” (thanks Grandmother Willow). I would rather not choose the smoothest course. I need to remind myself that I got here because of all the twists and turns life threw at me. I need to remember that when I lean into patience and trust,  then darkness fades and I find I am on the right path. All I can do is listen to my heart and believe that the right dream takes time.

Taking a leap of faith is scary; pulling the trigger on a God appointed dream is even scarier. I am learning to trust God and throw out every single back up plan we have. I am such a planner that I have Plan A-Z color coded and laminated! Listening to my church’s sermon this week, I learned we have to throw out every backup plan we ever created and lean into God. How does one do that? I have no idea, but today I decided I was going to take every backup plan I created in case this business didn’t work out and throw caution to the wind.

Scary right?! How do I know things will work out? Will I be a success? Will anyone even read this?!? I have been giving into fear for almost thirty years and I’m sick of letting fear win. I am so in awe of people who are truly a free spirit. I’d love to be like that, but I can’t be free without breaking up with fear. Fear has been this voice that is so loud in my mind. It criticizes me more than any person on earth could. For the longest time I just thought that these criticisms were driving me to be this perfectionist who had it figured out. 2020 came and ripped (and I mean truly ripped) to the studs everything I have been stuffing deep down and never set free.

Who likes conflict? I didn’t want to face these “I could fail moments,” so instead of facing them, I just never went after the dream. If we hold ourselves back, how will we know if we can succeed or be directed to something greater? Not only do I want fear to lose my number, but negative speaking needs to go with it. I have started to tell myself one nice thing a day, key word started! I would love to shift all these negative self-sabotaging thoughts and just take that huge leap of faith. If God appointed me to open this bakery and to be dare I say it vulnerable with people, then there is no doubt in my mind that this HAS to work. Even if it doesn’t work the way I think it will, I have experienced God opening doors and rerouting me to something better, so why not change our perspectives, and maybe stop thinking with our heads and let our hearts decide? A whole new world could be waiting for us and I dare you to try to take that leap of faith. You’re not alone, I'm jumping into the unknown with you.